One woman's experience with overcoming the need to be perfect. Who needs that kind of stress or self-criticism?
Why do we feel that we should always look good, behave perfectly, and constantly doing and saying things with lawless perfection? Why do we have such a difficult time just being who we are, as we are?
Well, on one hand, it's an "expected from us thing", largely learned on an ongoing basis, that starts in our youth - we are taught to strive for doing things perfectly, getting good grades, behaving perfectly, having our shit together .... etc etc. and just in general being flawless and immediately great at everything. Especially that little thing called Life.
And, when we just can't/don't/aren't ....... as we are ALL not perfect ..... it causes us to feel bad about ourselfs, and thus, the low self-worth and self-critiquing begins. And the constant striving to be better begins too, because now we're feeling automatically "less than" everyone else.
But, on the other hand, it's also because only showing the "perfect bits" of our ourselfs and our lifes feels safer, easier, and far less vulnerable. We don't want to risk people criticizing us on who we are, what we're going through, what our life looks like .... all, mind you, in what often times is a very vulnerable point in our life.
It can feel similar to having shared an embarrassing secret with a trusted friend just to find out later that they told a bunch of people so now everybody knows! Yikes! It's much safer to only let people see you when you're "perfect" looking!
I realized all of this yesterday in a powerful download and observing of myself, while on an outing with my husband.
We were walking along the historic bridge over the river, on what was a very high wind day in a city that's always windy ... so trust me, it was WINDY. I was regretting leaving my hair down, and regretting my choice of a flowy shirt because I could barely see through my hair, absolutely could not get it out of my face, and the wind kept blowing my shirt up - I opted to button up my coat to avoid any further wardrobe malfunctions, after several failed attempts to sort out the shirt/wind combo.
(side note: I really was having fun, BTW, this wasn't interrupting our experience.)
Somewhere in this mess, I decided now would be a great time for a new selfie picture to use for my Facebook profile, since I hadn't taken one in several months. So here I am, trying to get my hair to look good, making sure the lighting is just right, making sure I'm smiling etc etc ..... it did not do well. I gave up and just waited till we got home so I could take some nice indoor selfies instead, well away from the wind.
We've all been there. Trying to make ourselfs look good, maybe even sexy. Defintely attractive, at least. Showing our "best side" from the "best angle". And then editing those pictures before ever posting them - to make sure we're even more perfect!
I realized I was doing this, and then, after feeling into it, realized that this behavior is associated with the strong energy of self-criticism. Even self-loathing/ self-hate. It's what we do when we aren't willing to be vulnerable or loving and supporting with ourselfs. I mean with ALL PARTS of ourself. We pick ourselfs apart, dislike parts of our body ... hair, skin, boobs, tummy, butt, teeth, legs, arms, feet etc etc. The list goes on and on. We even tend to dislike our actions, our words, and our performance ... at work or in bed.
But, what if we stopped holding ourselfs to this impossible bar of perfection and just started being REAL?
Have you ever just been yourself in a picture, just exactly as you are in the moment? Maybe when you're still in jammies at 4pm, maybe when you're exhausted or depressed, maybe when you've been ugly crying all day, post break-up? Maybe when you're sick, grumpy, hungry, or ..............?????
What would happen if we did? I'll tell you what would happen! If we ALL started doing this, we'd start a freakin' revolution, sisters!! If we all stopped caring about looking attractive, or being sexy, and stopped hiding the parts of our body we don't like .... and, being brave enough to show the real us in the moment, we would turn the fakeness of society on it's head. We would love, approve of, accept, and forgive all parts us. We would become healed, and would then hold space for our sisters to heal this, too. And hold space for our brothers, lovers and partners to do the same. It would be glorious!!!
The truth is that no matter what we look like, we're ALL beautiful, in our own ways. The truth is, that each of us is perfect, just exactly how we are.
And, the truth is, we each deserve to love and be loved, forgive and be forgiven, see and be seen, accept and be accepted, approve and be approved of, hear and be heard, heal and be healed. Even YOU, the one reading this right now.
Attractiveness no longer comes from physical appearance. Nor does one's sexiness. Or one's worth. Things have already changed, despite how not all people have shifted from that limited perspective. The mind, the heart, the soul, and how one treats those around them is where it's at these days.
Furthermore, most of us reading this by now are aware, awakened beings. It's not our job to seem to be perfect. It's our job to show others how we cope when times are hard - society will never teach them and they must learn it from somewhere. We're already going through it, so why not be open and vulnerable - with ourselfs and with others - and teach others how to be ok NOT being ok? How to be a beautiful mess? How to love ourselfs, while learning how to love ourselfs even deeper?
Ok, so here, let's list things we don't like about ourselfs. Let's list everything our brain tells us, all those negative things. All those self-critical words, all that self-loathing. Let's just get it out.
Then, let's list everything we like and love about ourselfs.
I hate my round tummy that sticks out.
I miss my size 6 butt, hips, and waist. I went from a size 6 to a size 16 several years ago, and honestly don't find myself physically attractive anymore.
I haven't felt the desire or the need to be sexy in more years than I've been with my husband.
I hate my uneven, constantly greasy skin. I avoid wearing anything red because I feel it matches my red blotches and makes the blotches show up even more. I have constant blackheads, whiteheads, and pimples all over - I hate that too.
I hate how sometimes I'm on top of my game at work, and sometimes I'm really truly just struggling to do the bare basics/bare minimum.
I hate how when I get upset with my husband, I cannot talk to him in person - I have to leave the situation and bring it up later in a text.
And, I hate how hard it is to introduce myself as my true self, the Creator and Founder of a spiritual-based biz. I've been trying to come up with a proper introduction of myself, my abilities, services, and biz since I started it in 2017!
It has taken me a long, long, time to love myself exactly as I am. Clearly, it's still a work in progress. All of the above was just off the top of my head! But, I know I deserve that, and I know that you do, too. I know that in general, I love myself. I love my heart, my soul, my thoughts. I love how passionate I am about growing, healing, shifting, and evolving into an even better me. I know that I am enough, just as I am. I love how smart, courageous, thrifty, tenacious, spiritual, and wise that I am.
Let's see the most recent, most real selfie you have! And, go! Here's mine, from that bridge yesterday!
Let's do this! I love you all,
Sarah Avery, Creator, Divine Harmony Healing.